Where is the hickey?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
