It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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