What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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