I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
