I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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