end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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