My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
