I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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