I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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