I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
