Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
