I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
