I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's never too late to be topless.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
