I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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