Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
