They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
