yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
