So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
