i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
