I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
