Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
