and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
