She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
