he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
