i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
