When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
