it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
