Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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