I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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