I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
