Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
