peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
smell my finger.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
