Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
