Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
