toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
