I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
