I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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