I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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