That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
