I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
