Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
