So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
