I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
