there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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