i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
