so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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