I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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