I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
