I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
