You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
